Choosing my religion.


Sufice it to say that although not “special” as I preach, I do like to think that the hand of the god who created me made me somewhat uniqe. And here is what I mean . Upon moving here to the hinterlands and away from my beloved south and its culture and quisine I after a few years of tasting local BBQ …and I use the term loosely I decided to simply break down and make my own …I will note here that the nephew of a friend while serving in the armed forces requested some …remembering it from a time when he attended a summer BBQ here at the house. I was humbled , I was honored , I was overjoyed , I made a case with special lables expressing my love for all armed service personel after all they are my brothers and sisters.

Now as ridiculous a comparison as that may at first seem lets strip it bare. My heart craves something missing from my life. I am devoid of acquiring it in my local economy. So I say screw the economy and create it myself … I change in essence my world… Of course it needs to be considered that this is hearts and souls and real issues thus making it an awesome responsibility. Yet for anyone who has ever , helped a friend , saved a life , nursed one of gods creatures back to life , shared a good laugh …one so hard you almost piss yourself, felt the joy of a new love or relationship , or just held a loved one close allowing them to mourn a personal tragedy. You know the rewards.

DOWNSIDE: In spite of my lethal gaze and my crusty armored exterior inside me is a LOT of love …I have never used it as I should have , I will tell you in all true conviction that my first clue was Betsy (remember this because there’s a point to be made later) over the years she has nursed my heart to an extent where I was relaxed and able enough to deal with difficulties and trials as the man I always wanted to be. I was tough yes , I was Brutally honest yes , but I was also lacking love …love brings things like positive reinforcement and discipline is just tyranny without it(like raising kids, everybody loves my kids but thinks me too ridged with them. Well they didn’t fall out the box that way …but still since my fathers death I have been a bit unstable. The reason why is because with his passing the angry fire in my heart died …left a void a big gaping hole and like a mammoth engine with no fuel I kind of ground to a halt. I am an emotional creature who hates to go to the pound because …well I want to save them all …I will have to learn to temper my emotions in order to survive myself.


There are literally hundreds of religions represented in my area …here lately I have been studying scripture with a lovely lady named Faye , she is an older black woman who only gained access to me and my home because she has a light …a light that comes from people who truly believe , honesty and yes in terms love. You see I was given a gift to see things (well duh) often unseen by most …now mind you no I am not a Jehovah witness. I tell Faye all the time “ I love you , and enjoy our time …yes I will take and read your books but just understand …I will NEVR wear the T-shirt or carry the club card. There has been actually a very positive effect from this …Reading scripture can be very enlightening as long as someone understands that no matter how strenuously someone insists that THEIR scripture or Bible is the word of god direct and pure …all of these volumes have been handled and edited by humans. Ignoring completely historic struggles for power and dominance the simple fact is we …as humans are fallible! Thus it is that I respect all religions in a spiritual sense but abhor the politics.

My wife and I had decided at one point that we were going to commune more , expand our contacts and make friends … you see like I tell Faye …I don’t need a temple or a church or a hall to speak with God …usually I find God relaxing out on my deck in fair weather by my fire pit. I sit I smoke a pipe , I relax and I let things flow thru my mind …when I can do this sort of half conscious meditation I find solutions to problems that minutes before were crushing my heart. I live by without even really needing to study them the original ten commandments …well with my own belief it isn’t “thou shall not Kill) sorry from King David to Hitler these stories tell me that although it should never be undertaken lightly …sometimes you have to kill …I guess some might say that’s not very priest like by the same token what would be the point of trying to guide someone through life and problems if we do not recognize the reality of the human conditions.

So we went to the universalist Unitarians because we had herd they were more liberal minded but when getting there we had to be educated to the history of the church , the philosophy and when volunteering for projects to help raise funds they were soooo strung out and the money collected went into a central kiddy and was divided among all district churches with the percentages sent back depending on how the church was deemed to be of value to the union as a whole …my response to this was WHAT? …I don’t give a crap about a church in Kansas …no offence I’m sure their lovely people and all but I sat on the side walk baking my brains out for MY church , MY congregation …how shall we be able to rise when the churches own tithe slows or outright prevents this??? So we walked away

I love something’s about every religion I like the solemnity of the catholic cathedral , the majesty even though financed by blood ventures it does provide an air of exclusivity when your in its presence …easier to focus …easier to remain on task …if the bloated child molester at the front would shut up and stop speaking Latin…I don’t see how anyone can talk to god while were doing deep knee bends every 10 min or so …up down up down , domine this domine that …for gods sake quit shoving your crap down peoples throats and let them reach god on their own terms … He/ She is not YOUR God …God belongs to US …all OF US …no matter how you see him in your heart or your minds eyes … spiritually we all walk a path of our own discovery and the job of a priest should simply be to act as a guide and companion along YOUR path …not herd you into moralistic pens

Thou not as well defined this is what I would want my legacy to be lets break this down more …than we shall make a mental sketch of how to build a church and what a church should be what say you ?