or " Ogre's reformation of forgiveness , life , and glory of the human soul"

"ut priest necne ut priest! Ut est question?" or "To priest or not to priest! that is the question?"


I recently have begun to feel the urge to become a man of the cloth , yes I know it will seem comical to many who know me and I understand , I only ask that you laugh politely with my blessing and not make a spectacle as you will find that though you may be laughing “at” me I am actually laughing “along” with you! Your completely right in many ways it is ludicrous and frightening in its ramifications so feel free I agree with you on many levels. Then again , it is funny how over time our perspectives change.
I have spoken of late of pain and isolation , mourning my youth and pitying myself. I suppose it is part of a process that may take the full extent of a lifetime to achieve. Yet I also have been given to understand by meditations of late …be they self motivated or not …that as I always do the thought of responsibility becomes my key concern. Considering the path of your life and trying to retrace the steps that have brought you to where you are can be a useful tool if one does not get lost. Inevitably if you ask God “why” or whom was responsible for this and that your reply will simply be “you were dear” In my minds eye I have heard this reply many times.
Shamans and druids of my ancestry, as the customs of my tribal decadency dictates would tell you of the spiral cave. The beginning of any meditation or Journey is the practice of making those things you see and experience “real” although a relative term there can be a common link of human experience often shared by all of us but ignored because it is common or mundane this is always a mistake.
Let us take for instance the following exorcises I first discovered in a volume on Celtic beliefs and magic practices by a Mr. Stephen Blamiers. if you do this it should be done in a quiet place free of distractions. Call to mind a simple image of a fruit …lets say an Orange.
Most all of us should be able to claim this experience ( yes ,yes… you can substitute the orange for a tangelo or Clementine or even an apple if this is more to your liking. Any solid object will do.) hold it in your hand try to feel it in your minds eye , the smooth yet dimpled coolness of its skin . With your nail scratch its surface , feeling the gentle resistance as the rind gives way and curls beneath your nail, smell the burst of citrus oils pervading the air and confirming in your mind the act of what you have just done. Feel then the skin give way as your fingers employ greater force breaking deeper into the pith and releasing the fruits flesh inside. Do not fear failure here …the cat knocks something over , your belly grumbles ( which would actually indicate you may be doing it very right) don’t forget this is in your mind and here and here alone are you king.
Just begin again when you can settle yourself . There is only YOU and your Goal no repercussions no shame and no failure. Do not fear either the folly you may assume to be your own incompetent nature . In the waking world I am often too rushed to the point that I will break savagely through the skin and damage and release the juices of the fruit beneath , I may stain a sleeve or front of your shirt in the real world ten minutes before you must leave for work and it can be viewed as a tragedy here in your mind there is no time and no tragedy.
Instead there is, is only experience , and the depth of the experience both glorious and sensual as you feel the spray of coolness on your skin , as you smell the deepening aroma of the reward you seek. Explore this for it is the link between you and the God or divinity of your understanding. This exorcise should in no way offend any GOD for in reality all you are doing is SLOWING time to enjoy the experience of the interaction of you and reality as one cannot in the waking world. This exalts the Glory of creation and in no way detracts from it. After all your not :“praying” to the orange its glorious because it is in essence a “part of the reality of God” not divine in or of itself , it’s a friggan fruit …If you are worshiping it in a religious sense …then please leave my pages you’re an idiot and I can do nothing for you! Your reality NOT mine …and so we move on .
The point is to FEEL the experience generating it from your mind and memory in intricate and minute detail until you can feel it exactly as if you were doing so in reality in the real and waking world thereby breaching the boundary of your meditative / waking reality. What you can perceive as “real” holds validity in your mind. Yes I know what the hell does oranges have to do with a spiral friggan cave and what fucking use is this in the real world any damned way?
Well good question …no really it is and one you SHOULD be asking yourself …its your perceptions …YOUR reality and in order to take true responsibility you should ask …it is really not just your right but also your responsibility. It is part of what is wrong with this world and a subject I will address later but we cannot expect to be the free entities we are meant to be , and experience what we truly are handing over responsibility for the sake of convenience to the world at large. However I truly digress here.

Ohh yes the questions…okay why is the orange related to the spiral cave I seem to have forgotten ???…simple nothing really except that to undertake a journey without a depth of experience is pointless. The spiral cave in theory exists at the center of your awareness (lets say “mind” to keep it simple which is always best) it is a tunnel through time and space to the center of the heart of the “God of your understanding” ( for convenience from this point on I will simply say “God” you insert that which holds meaning to you ) the Orange is simply a training tool , you learn to focus sharply just as a soldier does. They train to ignore the concussion of an explosion knowing that if you are experiencing it you have survived it , you carry your buddy or another dummy who pretends to be wounded so that all of the sensory experiences that you may face becomes common and familiar to you . Being familiar it increases your odds of being able to fight blind animal panic and not only accomplish your duty or tasks but also bring home the only real win possible in war …survival. This is the inherent wisdom in making the orange real.
From there you begin to address this cave of which I speak directly, alone on a beach of cold stone and not sand . There is a rocky cliff in front of you whilst the sea is at your back again feel the polished stones , sea spray smell the salt and sea …make it real. Both cliff and ocean are too vast and immobile to negotiate so you cannot go back and you cannot avoid what is before you … welcome my friend to the experience of the NOW. You must address the cave mouth in the cliff before you. I do not describe in much detail from this point on because from here it is YOUR journey …I can and will discuss with any of you actually reading this what you see and feel but will not dictate to you what you will see for we are all different and MUST ASSUME RESPONSIBILITY for what we see …pleasurable or frightening . I can only say this and it brings us back to my earlier statement of being lost …the cave is designed into an ever elevating ever curving path turning back into itself …along its path are many doors …it is best to leave them be for inside them are your hopes and fears , your dreams and your nightmares and for some maybe even glimpses of other lives other existences , the one thing you must accept is that they are all true …no matter how bizarre or alarming. You are safe from the things here themselves …only visions they have no power to harm you unless YOU assign them such a power. It is recommended that if you do open them not to step into the reality of what you may see , stand rather on the path side of the sill and observe and contemplate only …then resume your path. To do so we can become lost within ourselves for this is where you are now in your minds eye . This is the one place you cannot be allowed to deceive or lie to yourself . After all if you are walking a true path why would you?
Okay back to the second question which you may have assumed I forgot … I very well could have but this time did not …“what fucking use is this in the real world ???” Again the answer is simple …and the same “training” it is in fact akin to what many real world advisors will tell you to do …simply envision only you don’t “create” this one you simply observe what has been made by you already and ponder this to better know yourself. To understand “WHY” you destroy your own relationships , “WHY” you overstock your pantry , “Why” well just about anything we ask ourselves or actually of others …see what many “special” people have understood through out time is that the answers to the external can really only be found through understanding the Internal. You see many women are by most standards beautiful and yet can seep aloof and well bitchy …truth is you assume her beauty is a key when really it is no more than a prison …she’s locked on the treadmill she’s locked in the bathroom on the scale or purging. She , nor you , nor I will ever really experience the true glory of who and what God really intended her to be …not unless she walks the path to her true self and faces the demons ghosts and realities both pleasant and vulgar.

In reality this will translate into you more easily abandoning your computer , cell phone, twittering , and twattering …to whatever. Teach YOURSELF to slow your daily experience to enjoy more deeply the experiences laid here for you by the divinity you name. To realize that God like ant parent really should want nothing more for you than happiness where ever you can find it. From the brownie you snuck …I mean you know later you will regret it anyway so hell enjoy it in the moment, the brief seconds you get to hold the glory of your love , your child to look at their tiny hands and feet look into a more innocent soul not scarred and frightened as we often become and absorb the wonder of life and the message of the true nature of innocence hidden there you rarely stop to witness.

Realize this is not “NEW” this is not unique , I am in no way or reality Jesus ..or Buddha if I’m a reincarnated anything its probably a “Joe the plumber” not and Alexander , Socrates , or Cleopatra. Just a man who somehow is a relative part of those things we define as GODS not in any way divine.. Religions loose sight of things like faith, and salvation because they get lost in the defining of their own realities, their politics if you will and loose sight of what truly best serves god. …me I don’t want to be anything but maybe a priest and a friend ..and yes in my heart they are equal in footing …a friend tries to understand , to support and council you as wisely as she or he may be able. They walk with you along your path and try to help you interpret what you may see as you progress on the way. He should not judge you for in doing so condemns himself but should also never avoid helping you realize the consequences of your actions and decisions …you should NOT be inclined to want to avoid him on the street or not attend your communal times like at church or BBQ’s which is my favorite place. Truth is You should not be doing this with God” although many of us do …including the priest …and as such he knows your heart and can only do service and you sure as hell not do it with anything lesser than God and this he/ I am. Only by understanding you and helping …never judging can he truly validate his title of priest. It is this now that I seek to test …I am in reality only 300.00 away from legally donning a frock and collar …the only “law” or rule that withholds me from this now is the reality of my own truth and the sincerity of my desires along with my belief that I am strong enough to serve the needs of others without confusing them with my own …so if you have read this …what say you